8

DR: You can’t or won’t-

Trevor: Well. . . I guess I never thought about it before. I can’t though.

DR: Your thingy?

Trevor: My thingy? What thingy?

DR: Your slim Johnson? Your twiggy and buds?

Trevor: What? (gets it) Oh! Yeah. My twiggy never can get-

DR: Erect.

Trevor: Yes.

DR: Why do you think that is?

Trevor: I don’t know. I want it to. I want it to so bad. But it won’t.

DR: Hmmm. Erectile Dysfunction at –

Trevor: Wait, Doc, are you even sure that’s what this is?

DR: Well, Trevor, I don’t know. Let’s find out. We are getting ahead of ourselves here. My name is Doctor McGlonkinspieler.

Trevor: Could you say that again?

DR: McGlonkinspieler. A little Irish, a little welsh, a lot German. My grandfather was a Nazi in the third reich. . .

Trevor: Oh.

DR: Anyhow, take me back to the beginning of when this happened. We need to seed through this shit. Do you get me? We need to clear the weeds and plant some seeds to your recovery. . . How old are you?

Trevor: Twenty.

DR: Okay, twenty. (under breath, writing) Knows nothing about life.

Trevor: What?

DR: Oh, nothing. Nothing. Just making observations.

Trevor: Well, it’s making me uncomfortable.

DR: Let’s go back to the beginning.

A beep on McGlockenspieler’s desk.

Receptionist: Dr. Bickerspieler?

DR: Patty. . .Patty. . .just call me Dr. G. Okay? (to Trevor) Nobody gets it right. I’m new. I guess. . .I guess. . . It must be a G thing.

DR laughs. Silence.

Receptionist: Okay G thing, Trevor’s mom is here. She wants to come into the room.

DR: Do you want to see your mother?

Pause.